Area 51 Explained...

Spilling The Cosmic Beans

Well, I’m gonna spill the cosmic beans on Area 51. It ties in nicely with a question I oftentimes get regarding sleep. That is, do we aliens sleep?

To begin with, not all aliens are alike. You humans seem to think there is one type of extraterrestrial life, and that it looks like the ugly green men you picture in your literature. That is the case for my race; we are big, ugly, sinewy men with monstrous eyes in globular heads. I admit that. No one finds us attractive, except other aliens… see Alien Love section above for more on that.

But there are others. Did you know there are aliens the size of your school buses? There are also aliens the size of your little fleas. You seem to think we are roughly your size – all of us, and that simply isn’t true.

Sooo… regarding sleep and Area 51. My race, we sleep. Others, I don’t know. In the case of Area 51, which has been WAY overblown by your crackpots, an alien named Yiblee fell asleep while patrolling Nevada. He had stayed up too late the night before observing… well, I can’t say, but he was near Vegas. Let’s leave it at that. He fell asleep, drove his craft right into the sands there in the desert. Drove it in like a wedge. This automatically and instantly set off a warning beacon to Headquarters. A towcraft – yes, we have them – was there in four minutes to pull Yiblee and his ship from the sands.

Unfortunately, a piece of robodium metal from the ship’s exterior was torn off and left in the sands, unknown to us. That piece of metal, combined with the fact that one rancher – one rancher! – saw it all, led to all of the Area 51 hubris. I hear your government has the piece of robodium hidden away somewhere.

Yiblee was punished accordingly. Last I heard he was relegated to Sector Four in the Ptomcha Starfield, floating around in a tiny little jail ship with nothing to do. That’s what some of you crackpots live like – nothing to do so your imaginations run wild. Stop that. Live your life.